What about the men?
The Other Half of the Fertility Equation — And the Silence Around His Experience
In professional organizations, in research, and even in Reddit posts, there’s been a shift to recognize the other piece of the puzzle in fertility: the person with the sperm. People now ask, what about a sperm evaluation when faced with long fertility times?
We’ve gotten better at including them in the conversation or at least in the clinic room. What’s still largely missing is an acknowledgment of their emotional experience through the fertility process.
There’s that old joke that a man’s wife knows more about his family’s health history than he does. It’s met with chuckles, but it hints at something more serious: the reality that for many men, health care is often a last resort. Unless something is very wrong, they don’t seek help. A primary care provider? Unheard of. Annual visits? Almost mythical.
These stereotypes aren’t the whole truth, but they do point to societal patterns: we don’t encourage men to be active participants in their own health. And when it comes to fertility, that cultural conditioning shows up in three key areas: trying to conceive, IVF, and termination of pregnancy.
Trying to Conceive - Man’s Edition
For heterosexual couples, the “trying” phase often centers on her cycle, her ovulation tracking, her prenatal vitamins. But sperm health, motility, morphology, and count, plays an equally important role.
Yet, conversations about semen analysis often happen later than they should, sometimes after months (or years) of focusing solely on her reproductive health.
This delay doesn’t just cost time; it can cost emotional energy, too. A man’s involvement early on can shift the experience from her fertility journey to our fertility journey.
Clue has made efforts to involve men into the conversation with having the Connect feature to share menstrual cycle details. Although, many have villainized the features, saying that it’s a way to control women . While, this could be the fringe case, many men are genuinely trying to support their partner (*not considering the issues with selling menstrual data).
The topic of trying to conceive also encompasses loss - whether that the monthly grief of not conceiving, the sustained grieving for an easy fertility journey, or of a pregnancy loss. This study focuses on a man’s experience, but does the healthcare provider? I know I’ve called a patient after loss, but I didn’t specifically ensure her partner was on the phone or called him directly…
IVF - You’re in the thick of it too
IVF is not just “show up for your appointment and provide a sample.” It’s navigating the emotional strain, the financial stress, and the pressure to perform on demand in a sterile room with questionable reading material.
Men also carry anxieties about embryo quality, genetics, and future outcomes, but these are rarely discussed openly. Their role in decision-making, supporting their partner, and managing their own feelings is significant, even if the medical spotlight isn’t on them.
I appreciate when a patient asks to call in their partners when we go over results. Even if he doesn’t have questions or is driving during the consult - him hearing the information is important for their future conversations. Men have so often been ignored that it may be difficult for them to ask to be involved. Now, we’ve all had the partners that have been disengaged during a consult where you wonder why he’s even there, but maybe we need to find ways to be engaging.
Termination of Pregnancy - His Voice Matters (HVM) but no one cares
When a pregnancy is terminated, whether due to medical complications or personal choice, the physical experience belongs to the pregnant person. That is non-negotiable.
But the emotional reality? It can be profound for both. Men often feel they have no space to process, no socially sanctioned way to grieve, and no right to speak about their own feelings. This silence can have long-term effects on mental health and relationships. It’s also been made very clear that the choice is the woman’s. Some men wished they had a say about their genetic lineage. While this probably shouldn’t become a matter of the court, it’s still reasonable to acknowledge a man’s perspective on termination.
The Bottom Line:
We can’t talk about fertility without talking about the whole reproductive picture, including the man’s health, emotions, and decision-making role. The goal isn’t to overshadow the person carrying the pregnancy, but to stop pretending (whether we know it or not) the other half of the equation is just a supporting character.
It’s hard to know how to do this effectively. I’ve often been met with anger by a partner - which I recognize is one way to exhibit emotions during these stressful times. Anger can be a challenging emotion to be met with, but it’s still important to challenge the societal scripts that keep men out of their own healthcare stories.
* This blog constitutes general information about genetic testing and medical screening. This blog does not offer or provide medical advice or diagnosis, and nothing in this blog should be construed as medical advice or diagnosis. Do not rely on the information in this blog/article to make medical management decisions. Please consult with a medical professional before making those decisions. Do not delay in seeking professional medical advice if you think you have a medical concern. Do not disregard professional medical advice based on any information received in this blog.
